Bach Flower Alchemy for the Teen Years

There’s a thing that happens for the first time during adolescence - and it has nothing to do with the reproductive organs.

Somewhere between age 10 and 15, we develop an internal “self” that is not only capable of observing and judging itself but is acutely aware of being observed and judged by others. It’s the birth of a “self”, and the first thing it wants to do is defend itself. This self wants to be valued, not just within its own family but on the outside - it has a strong need for acceptance and belonging within a new “tribe” - one that it wasn’t simply born into.

This is the phase of life where we start to display "compensation" behaviors, ways to function around our real or perceived weaknesses to protect them from being exposed.

Bach Flower Alchemy is an especially effective tool for the adolescent years because it’s a method that doesn’t require this hidden (or, core) wound to reveal itself. The flowers themselves use a wordless, diagnostic language; they simultaneously release tension caused by unconscious fears or limiting beliefs and offer insight into distorted thought patterns that the conscious mind has no words to articulate.

The following are two stories from our Bach Flower Alchemy Insiders group that illustrate how the Bach Flower Alchemy approach can be used in real time - not to stand in for real-life experience but to accelerate our ability to deal with the common emotional hurdles that come along with experiencing new identities, relationships and behaviors that are part and parcel of the process of maturity.

My Daughter Is Acting Like a Stranger

A couple of years ago, one member of our mastermind group brought a case for discussion that featured some peculiar symptoms. The subject was her 12-year-old daughter who had recently started mimicking the facial expressions, phrases, and general attitude of an edgy, aggressive "mean girl" character from a TV series — a complete departure from her normally agreeable nature. Alongside this, she had suddenly developed a secret chocolate addiction. Mom discovered endless amounts of candy hiding in her bedroom, which her daughter had been brazenly ordering online from mom’s Amazon account!

Considering that up until now, this child had presented as a “goody-two-shoes” type who would bend over backwards to please her parents and teachers, this change was baffling. Mom felt powerless to do anything but reprimand her, which hadn’t produced any change at all. Her daughter wouldn't even acknowledge that anything unusual was going on, which is often the hardest part of parenting a teenager -  their behavior points to something significant happening in their world, but you can't get them to talk about it.

With the hope that some well-chosen Bach remedies could break the log-jam in her daughter’s case, she asked for some guidance on choosing the best ones.

We tried to create a list of challenges teenagers typically face and we looked at the archetypal patterns showing up in the specific behaviors. What could account for such a big shift in how she was showing up in the world?

Was it hormones? Too much screen time? Peer influence?

We looked at a number of remedies through the lens of the archetypes of consciousness and decided that the new persona, inappropriate behaviors and intense craving for chocolate were her system’s way of managing a deep fear of not belonging within her peer group. We then designed a blend for her: Pine, Centaury, and Walnut, and had mom do a muscle test (a.k.a., Applied Kinesiology) with her daughter at home to allow the body to confirm remedies that had been selected through an exclusively intellectual process. 

Pine is normally thought of as the main flower essence for guilt. In this case, the girl doesn’t present as guilty or remorseful, so it would have been easy to cross this off the list of possible remedies. Guilt is a functional tool in Pine - its function is to help compensate for a deep feeling of unworthiness. The illusion is that volunteering to take the blame before anyone has a chance to point the finger at you will result in a milder consequence, and hopefully prevent banishment from the group. In the case above, the compensation for feeling unworthy is to perform arrogance - acting as if superior to everyone, immune to the rules of society and norms of behavior. It could even be seen as a sort of self-administered initiation ritual into teen society, sacrificing the approval of her teachers and family in exchange for that of her peers. The same core feeling of unworthiness can show up as crushing guilt in one person and untouchable arrogance in another. The presentation looks completely different but the remedy needed is the same.

Centaury is most often used for chronic people-pleasers, servile helpers who act like a human doormat. The image that always comes to mind for me when I think of Centaury is the character who finds themselves lying face down in a puddle while someone else walks over them to avoid getting wet. This is another pattern rooted in a tremendous fear of rejection - these people will sacrifice anything to be accepted. While Pine punishes themselves or pretends superiority, Centaury ensures belonging through unlimited acts of service to a perceived authority figure or a group. 

There is a developmental directive in the teen years to seek security and belonging outside of the family. Many teens find themselves choosing a new look, new interests, new values, even a whole new personality in order to fit in. They lose themselves completely in a bid for acceptance with the right group. In general, we can say that this is a state of undeveloped energetic boundaries which leave a person unable to protect themselves from outside influence.

Walnut is another remedy state known for being easily influenced. Traditionally, this flower essence is used to stay true to oneself under pressure from outside, so it makes sense that it could relate to situations of peer pressure. This is one of the classic challenges of adolescence across cultures, not only for reasons mentioned above, but also because as a child enacts their desire for independence from the family, they become vulnerable to various controlling forces outside the home. This could be a highly charismatic individual, a gang, a clique or even influencers on social media. Dr. Bach himself referred to this essence as the “spell-breaker”. Walnut offers support during times of transition, such as moving to a new school or developmental milestones like puberty with its massive hormonal shifts and changes in body structure. 

I haven’t set out to present a complete list of all the Bach Flowers that could impact the adolescent experience, but they represent some more or less universal feelings that most teenagers will relate to at some point on their journey to adulthood. Among others, we might consider Crab Apple for body image problems, Star of Bethlehem for heartache and Wild Oat for feeling adrift without a clear life path or career goal.

Results

Before using a blend of Bach flowers, mom had tried talking with her daughter about what was going on, removed privileges and enacted consequences, conferenced with schoolteachers and took her to counseling, all to no avail. Within two days of taking the 3 remedies above in water a few times daily, the girl seemed to noticeably turn around. She spontaneously told her mother that she felt a shift in her mood. "I don't care about things as much as I used to," she said. "Even my friends have mentioned that I seem different." 

This change was not brought about by finding more effective consequences for bad behavior. It was a result of seeing through the behavior to address the root of the problem, and using a flower essence that speaks to the correct distortion, in this case, fear of being an outcast.

The Boy Who Wouldn't Talk

In another case, a mom asked us to help her with her 14-year-old son who came home from his final day of elementary school in tears but refused to say why.

It’s not at all unusual for teenagers to want to close themselves up and stay in their room where they don’t talk to anyone, but not so common for a boy to burst into tears at the start of summer vacation with no explanation!

Again we worked together in our mastermind to propose possible underlying causes that would be typical for the age and situation. 

Is he sad to leave this school behind as he goes on to high school? Was he embarrassed or humiliated by another student or a teacher? Did he have a fight with a friend or hurt someone’s feelings? 

It’s unlikely that any amount of direct interrogation would have shed light on what he was really feeling given that he didn’t want to talk about it. Working with Bach essences lets us be creative in suggesting some possible hypotheses. 

Different Case, Same Three Flowers

If he’s having trouble letting go of the past and moving forward to a new school, Walnut would be the best choice because it’s good at smoothing transitions and releasing attachment to comforts of the past.

If he was being attacked or bullied, Centaury would help him develop resistance to pressure from people or situations that threaten his boundaries.

If he feels he acted out of alignment with his integrity, disappointed someone, hurt someone’s feelings or was embarrassed in public, Pine would be the best choice.

Since he didn’t want to reveal anything about what had happened, I suggested a simple strategy: put the three bottles in front of him and let him hold each one, choosing whichever feels best for him. 

This was not a proper kinesiology protocol, but merely an opportunity for his body to weigh in, if it would, and choose the remedy that matched a feeling he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) speak about in words.

He chose Pine and after a few drops in water, he slept for several hours (mom said it was very rare for him to sleep like that in the middle of the day) and woke up feeling like himself again. He didn’t have to suffer the indignity of sharing whatever had happened to him, or find words for the inexpressible emotions of a child on the brink of adulthood. Thankfully, his body was able to choose the flower essence it required to set things straight. 

This is actually a great way to help teens engage with Bach flowers - it gives them a sense of agency and lets them be in charge of the process, which helps build up their fragile sense of dignity. It also allows them to accept care from a parent when they might otherwise reject being “babied”.

I find it a significant benefit in working with teenagers to be able to offer support without requiring them to reveal their painful or embarrassing experiences. Anyone can try just holding a few different bottles of Bach remedies in their hand and see if they can recognize any subtle change in their sense of wellbeing. 

Two Kids, One Thread

This phase of life is where shadow consciousness really comes online. It's where our psyche begins to use the capacity for self-reflection against us as it chooses survival of the ego/personality/self over growth and evolution. Bach Flower Alchemy allows us to support teenagers in their new dance with shadow, but from within an atmosphere of respect. This protocol allows the flower essences to address the precise wound whether its hiding behind a wall of silence or beneath an incomprehensible behavior pattern.